That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
and she was petting her beer can
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
