i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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