Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
