we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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