Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
