I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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