Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
