I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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