She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
