I want to stick my p in your. b.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
