the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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