So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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