I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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