people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
