The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
