So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
