I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
