I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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