we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
