you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize