I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sext me about skeletons
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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