If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
