Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh god it's open bar.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
