dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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