Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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