i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
