I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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