Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
