apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
