drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
