You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
