so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
