whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
