i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
