Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
