O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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