Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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