If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
