Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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