If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
