watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
