Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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