Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
