Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
