Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So squirting runs in the family.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
