I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
