The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
