Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Send help, water and tortillas.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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