I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
