her vagine was all disorganized.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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