She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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