guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
