He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
as a side note pls kill me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
