i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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