You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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