my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
