So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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