i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he shaved USA in his pubs
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
