i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
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I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
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You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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