apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
