this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
