Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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