Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There r osticjed everywhere
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
