I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
