And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
