I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
