I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just invented taco cereal.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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