Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There's always time for handjobs
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
