I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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