My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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