Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
