at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
