dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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