What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
