My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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